You Hit Like a Girl

The other day, my girlfriend and I got into a little tiff. Now WAIT -- before you all start flooding me with sympathy and start telling me how I'm wonderful and how she's probably just on her period, first know this:

Against all odds, nearly defying the laws of physics and normality... I have to admit that it may have been my fault. I KNOW, I KNOW, IMPOSSIBLE! HELL HATH FROZEN OVER! HOW COULD ONE SO CLOSE TO GODLINESS POSSIBLY EVER ERR ON THE SIDE OF MALEVOLENCE?!

To answer your question, ladies and gents; I don't know. It just happened. I'm not going to get into the specifics here (I'm sure she will read this, and refute my side of the story anyway), instead I will just post the aftermath of the argument... which just so happened to be in note form.

Let me begin this letter by telling you one absolute truth: 

You are wonderful.

Now that I've established that much, I would like to extend my deepest apologies for what I have done.

I never meant to let you down.

I never meant to run around and desert you.

I never meant to make you cry, never meant to say goodbye, never meant to tell a lie and hurt you.

Any resemblance that these lyrics heartfelt words may bear to popular media references are completely imagined. Any claim to the contrary would make for a wildly offensive allegation if pursued in a court of law or any other means of accusation.

So, honey, now that we're on good terms again, I could really use a back massage.

Also my dirty laundry has really been piling up which has forced me to begin putting some of it under the bed where I can no longer reach it. So if you could get on that I'd appreciate it. Thanks dear.

P.S. You hit like a girl. Love you.