A blog about real love poems, letters, and notes that I've written to my girlfriend.

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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Soothing an Angry Spouse, (AKA Avoiding a Lawsuit)

I do apologize that these last few updates have been full of nothing but simple prose, but I promised you guys an update on my personal life (although, this entire blog IS my personal life), so here's the explanation that I'm sure you are all enthralled to hear:

I swear that all the information provided here is true and correct to the best of my knowledge, under penalty of perjury in accordance with the laws of the state of California.

Our Anniversary - Part 1, Chapter 1:

It was a balmy October afternoon. The air that night felt electrified, full of excitement. The looks on the couple's faces were full of loving, teasing, expectant titillation. This was the night that would be a telling culmination of all the emotions and tribulations they shared during the six short months since their joining.

And then, I ordered a stripper.

BAM!

That's right I'm awesome don't even worry about it. What happened next? Gee I dunno maybe THIS:

BAM! WHITE PEOPLE

Sounds like a recipe for a good fuckin' time, don't it? Well guess what YOU ARE WRONG. 

It was a terrible time because somehow my girlfriend HATED it. And not just like the fun pretend kind of hate... she punched me in and around my face. And then she left.

Now, I'm sure you all know how costly it is to order a professional pole dancer, and there was no way I was going to just leave the party and waste it on all those white people. Plus I was already a little drunk. So I stayed. In retrospect, that was probably not the best idea I've ever had, especially since she was just waiting outside the front door for me to come out after her. But I challenge you, women of the internet, to find fault with my epic planning and surprise skills. I thought it to be a very sweet gesture. Even the stripper thought so!

But alas, I find myself here, sleeping in a twin bed at my grandparent's house, waiting for the girlfriend to calm her irrational anger. On the bright side, though, I think it's all going to work out. We are meeting tomorrow to have an "apology talk," and we all know how good I am at apologizing. 

Until then, adieu bitches!


26 comments:

  1. maybe u meant "SBAMSABEMSBAM RAPE TIME!!!"

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  2. She can leave but a lawsuit? over what?

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  3. Great party man, I loved it, still can't believe she walked out like that... so unappreciative.

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  4. Man, that sounds like an awesome party.

    Punching you in the face should kinda be a warning to you...sounds kinda bitchy...

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  5. Yea, I don't think there's any grounds for lawsuit.

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  6. God damn you have voice. Love your writing, followed ;D

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  7. how did she punch you in and around your face?

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  8. that sucks that your girlfriend hated it

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  9. Hahaha thats awesome. I can't believe she didn't like the stripper! Maybe you shouldn't have had friends over, so it could've been a private sexy party. Oh well, best of luck mate.

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  10. Hit the gym, acquire currency, disregard wenches, etc.

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  11. Lame. They just don't understand!

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  12. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  13. Haha your girlfriend cracks me up. You leave little cute, albeit insulting post it and she loves them, but you throw a party and she hates it?!

    Maybe she just wanted to spend it alone with you? I dunno ;_;

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  14. Women can't see it from our point of view. What man wants to leave a stripper and a great party to go outside and argue?

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  15. she's exhibiting the typical signs of a woman who wants anal sex but is afraid to ask for it... you know what to do...

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  16. lmao unfortunate.. my gf wouldn't appreciate it either, for sure xD

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  17. Women, who understands how they are working?

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  18. sometimes things get complicated

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  19. Oh man, I don't think I'd have the balls to pull something like this off.

    How much did the stripper cost?

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  20. LOL, does she know about this blog?

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  21. Yeah man. The blades are awesome. They stay sharp for so long and are like 15 cents a piece

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