A blog about real love poems, letters, and notes that I've written to my girlfriend.

Adbrite Banner

Your Ad Here

Ayuwage Referral

AyuWage Services - Get Paid to Visits Sites

Monday, October 25, 2010

Some Kind of Ultra Virus

You may remember from a previous post that I am the most amazing boyfriend in the world when taking care of a sick girlfriend. However,

NEVER AGAIN.

I am SO SICK I WANT TO DIE. You know how when girls are sick they just have these cute little sniffles and miniature coughs that sounds like they accomplish nothing other than making you say "awww"? It's so adorable and funny and harmless right? NOPE.

The color of the snot pouring from my face can only be described as a shade of green yet unknown to man, because it is SO green, that any other green objects around it are literally sapped of their pigment in order to feed the MOTHER GREEN.

Ever heard of this thing called walking? Not me. My muscles are so perplexed by the simple idea of THINKING about walking, that they have prematurely atrophied because they know that I'm not getting up anytime soon.

My cough has caused my neighbors to believe that a college aged person no longer lives here, but instead, a very very old chain smoking beluga whale has moved in.

And the best part? I can't even go to the doctor because I don't have medical insurance!

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT BABY, YOU KILLED YOUR BOYFRIEND.

I know some of you who think you're smart are probably thinking, "dude, your girlfriend was sick what, a month ago? You can't catch something a MONTH ago and just be getting sick from it now! How can you blame her?!"

Well let me tell you something, Mr. Smarty Pants Hipster Asshole. Ever heard of Super AIDS? I know you've seen South Park. Don't act like it's too mainstream for you. SUPER AIDS is a strain of AIDS that has become resistant to the medical treatment that slows down and alleviates the suffering from normal AIDS. I believe that whatever she infected me with is so powerful that it laid dormant in my system for weeks, until it was powerful enough to create a shitstorm that could overrun my immune system and any medicines I tried to treat it with.

I have been referring to it as an "Ultra Virus," and I believe that I am correct because whenever I refer to it by name, it becomes angered and causes me to retch in pain.

So piss off, you vegan bike riding douche. And stop defending my poisonous girlfriend!


But who knows? I could be wrong. Maybe it's not a super virus. Maybe, it's something else. But if that's the case... there's only one thing I can do to help.


You're welcome.

34 comments:

  1. I have this book, it is BRILLIANT xD

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ive committed this book to memory, we will survive!

    ReplyDelete
  3. This was a hilarious post. My girlfriend regularly gets me sick when she only has sniffles as well.

    Also, that book is badass.

    ReplyDelete
  4. That's some good writing dude! Seldom do i get past the first paragraph...

    ReplyDelete
  5. hehehe cool :) tks for the share:P

    ReplyDelete
  6. Step #1: Lock girlfriend in bedroom, throw her the occasional can of soup (Don't even bother opening the can, that's womans work).

    Step #2: Hook-up X-box in living room.

    Step #3: It doesn't matter anymore, because everything is okay for you!

    ReplyDelete
  7. The trick is just fedex them soup. No risk for you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. CUPPA SOUP and gaming you'll be right as rain!

    ReplyDelete
  9. you need some matzoh ball soup ASAP , from what I hear it even cures super aids

    ReplyDelete
  10. ha I like Tylers 3 steps, I'd probably follow that.

    ReplyDelete
  11. rofl kick the crap outta that virus man. Teach it some lessons.

    ReplyDelete
  12. im nearly 100% sure you caught the super aids

    ReplyDelete
  13. Super Aids? I hope it's not a south park reference :p

    ReplyDelete
  14. bad luck bro, get some medecine if you can. and dont let the booger take over.

    ReplyDelete
  15. haha I spilled soda on my desk. Very well written.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I always stay away from sick people...I don' t want to get sick myself after all :D

    ReplyDelete
  17. Sounds like a nice lady you got there.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Well if it is the zombie virus...you know what to do. Man up, because becoming one of the undead is not an option.

    ReplyDelete
  19. LoL, nice post bra.
    You got a new follower.

    ReplyDelete
  20. haha love this post, and this blog. i will definitely be back haha

    ReplyDelete